Paul DMing, Scott: Smudge (shadar-kai rogue 8 / barbarian 2) and Martin (duergar cleric 10); Matt G.: Garth Anon (lion-headed human barbarian 10).
Last time, the party made camp in Leomund's Tiny Hut at the end of a caved-in passage, and completed a long rest.
On waking, the dowsers smell cigar smoke and alert Smudge. With some poking a prodding, Smudge and Garth discover that the caved-in passage isn't actually a dead end. Part of the cave-in "rock" is a concealed door leading into a short well-finished passage.
An ornate metal face adorns a door at the far end of the passage. Green light glows from the face's eyes and mouth, faintly illuminating the passage. When Smudge touches the door, the metal face says "Hey, bub, what's the password?"
Inspired by T-Hex's acrcane eye, Smudge dismisses his familiar to its pocket dimension, then recalls it to the far side of the door. Through the familiar's senses, Smudge perceives a small, dark, chokingly smoky room. A point of light glows red, then fades.
Smudge, Martin, and Garth huddle to brainstorm what password the door might want. Meanwhile, the metal door face catches Tudo's eye and stage-whispers "Pssst! Hey, buddy. I take bribes." The face's metal mouth shapes itself into a coin slot, into which Tudo deposits several electrum pieces. The latch releases with a click loud enough for Smudge, Martin, and Garth to hear.
The party enters a small, dim room with three open doorways and a pass-through window. The doorway to the west leads to a landing with a wide stairway spiraling down. A sign over the doorway reads "BILE BOWL XXIII". Garth pokes his head into the doorway to the south and finds a coatroom, mostly empty. Peering through the passthrough window on the north wall, an imp gums a big cigar, exhaling copious clouds of smoke.
The imp says: "Admission to practices is one gold piece each. How many?" After some back and forth, the party buys tickets and descends the spiral stairs, the imp calling "enjoy da game!" after them.
The party descends the spiral stairs — down at least fifty vertical feet — and emerges onto a long promade running north-south and open on the west to a very large AstroTurfed playing pitch. (AstroTurf being familiar to the party as one of the chief exports of the Yellow City.)
The south wall of the arena is a giant scoreboard. A glass-windowed skybox hangs over the north end.
A few rows of stadium seats descend from the promenade to toward the playing field, where two teams are engaged in the midst of a practice game. The seats are empty.
On the northern end of the pitch: a remarkably ugly little man (slightly shorter than a dwarf) stands in the goal. Three even uglier, even littler men (about half the size of the goalie) range around the northern half of the field. All wear cleats and striped jerseys.
On the southern end of the pitch: a white, rubbery-looking twenty-foot-long worm with brown horn-like protrusions dotting its body-tube but no visible eyes or moth writhes in the southern goal. Three smaller grubs (no more than six feet long) inch around the field; these grubs lack horns but drool burning, napalm-like sludge from an orifice at their ends. They wear no uniforms.
Martin is immediately transfixed by the game, though none of the party members understand the rules.
As the hideous players hurl a fleshy, frisbee-like disk that drips blue acid back and forth across the field, Garth strides north along the promenade to a door with a brass plaque inscribed "VIP".
Inside, Grath finds a small but elegantly wood-paneled vestibule with three other doors. The door to the north leads to a closet that holds a single cloak. Garth quickly closes the closet door. The door to the east leads into luxurious executive washroom with a golden three-button commode that Garth makes use of.
Meanwhile, first Smudge and then Tudo stroll in the opposite direction, south down the promenade, to the concession window. "What'll ya have? Ice cold grog? Rat on a stick? Best in all the sewers!" Smudge and Tudo both buy grog and rats-on-a-stick. The butter and garlic rat on a stick is delicious. Tudo tries the rat marinated in "special sauce" and fails a Constitution saving throw, leaving his mouth benumbed, slack and drooling for 2d10 minutes.
"Itths dliitheous!" insists Tudo.
As Smudge and Tudo walk back north, licking clean their rat sticks, Garth enters the skybox, and finds a human (or human-appearing thing) snoring in one of the leather armchairs. The sleeper wears sparkly purple robes, a pointy hat, a large silver medallion shaped like a beholder, and diamond (or rhinestone) encrusted knuckle-duster-style rings on both hands that together spell "SHAHED-UZZAMAN". Garth surveys the skybox, noting a buffet along the north wall with a built-in trophy case, then settles himself in the nearest armchair to watch the game through the giant glass window.
Smudge and Tudo pass Martin, who remains standing in the middle of the promenade engrossed in the game, and enter the VIP door to the north. Just as Garth had done, they take a quick peek in the closet then discover the washroom.
Tudo examines the toilet closely. His dwarf senses determine that the toilet is pure gold. On the inside of the lid, he finds a maker's mark from the House of Tootchi.
The bathroom holds little interest for Smudge. He enters the skybox, strolls past Garth and the sleeping robed figure (whose face, he notes, somewhat resembles a less ugly version of the little players) and sits in the far armchair. Casting his eyes around the room, Smudge notices a peep hole in the north wall, and the muffled sound of a cough confirms that the trio is under observation. Smudge rises and — casually so as not to arouse the suspicion of their watcher — beckons Garth to follow him out of the skybox, back to the VIP entrance vestibule.
Smudge and Garth search the closet they'd scarely glanced at earlier, and find a secret door to the west. Tudo joins them, and disposes of his well-licked rat sticks in the pocket of the lone hanging cloak.
The party closes the outer closet door before gently, silently easing open the secret door a crack. Inside, they see three "stations" with chairs, small desks, and crystal balls. Two of the three stations are occupied by ogres wearing cargo pants and black polo shirts with SECURITY embroidered on them. The party closes the secret door and returns to the VIP vestibule to debate their next course of action.
Faintly, from the promenade, they hear Martin shouting profanities at the referee.
Enemies defeated: none (though some rats were eaten)
Treasure: a golden commode tested but not (yet) taken
